When you think of the term ‘Sisterhood’ what comes to mind? For me, I envision a circle of women supporting each other, being the crutch when her fellow sister is too weak to stand on her own. I think of each woman being the other’s accountability partner and defending each other against the world.
If I were to add a few more ingredients to this medley, I’d add laughter and tears. Women , sisters if you may, sharing both happiness and sadness with equal energy. In a perfect world this would be the canvas on which Sisterhood is painted. In reality, Sisterhood is not always picture perfect. There are many dragons that rear their heads at the sorority that we call ‘Sisterhood’. Let’s talk about four of these dragons and how to slay them.
Dragon #1: Gossip: Have you ever stopped to think why we as women gossip? I will give you a minute or two to gather your thoughts. No really, think about it. Gossip is used as a bonding tool between women, and without it many of us may find that we do not have anything in common with the women we call friends. It is what our mothers unconsciously taught us by talking about another woman with the next door neighbour, or giving her ‘two cents’ about Susan where it was not needed. It is learned behaviour. A rumour, a piece of information passed to the wrong person has the ability to destroy the fabric of Sisterhood.
How to slay the Dragon: Focus on developing yourself wholly. By shifting your attention to doing things that enhance your life, you will simply not have the time to gossip. All of your energy will be geared towards fulfilling a purpose. But there is always someone who will try to steer you off course by starting a negative conversation. Politely decline and excuse yourself. You can say something like this, ‘I do not feel comfortable talking about this, if you’ll excuse me’.
Dragon # 2: Envy: Jealousy is a human trait and universal experience, just like love, joy, anger or greed . There is nothing wrong with wishing that you had the talents that your friend has , the relationship, the financial stability or that you get to travel the world like she does. We all aspire to have nice things; a good life . You should however be happy when another woman is receiving her blessings because it means that it is possible for you too . Where it becomes toxic is when you allow yourself to be so engrossed in your sister’s accomplishments that you become bitter, and cannot share in her happiness. And this is where Envy comes in, which is the flip side of Jealousy. Envy is where you feel that your sister does not deserve what she has, and that you should have it instead . This is a breeding ground for hatred . If Jealousy is the seed , Envy is the fruit .
How to slay the Dragon: A woman who is truly confident in her own skin and abilities is a woman who does not compare herself to the next woman. Comparison is the thief of joy and it leads to insecurity. Insecurity, Jealousy and Envy go hand in hand . When these feelings arise use the emotions to inspire and motivate you. Tap into your potential and resources. Strive to become the best version of ‘You’. Recognise your self-worth, practise gratitude for what you have and stop comparing yourself to others.
Dragon #3: Insecurity: I’d like to bet that you’ve either heard , or said these words yourself ‘She thinks she’s all that’. They were likely shot at another woman, either as she’d left or entered the room. The ‘She’ referred to is most often a woman who is smart, sure of herself and has accomplished a lot in life. Or, you are constantly criticising what the other woman wears. This equates to you not being sure of your own ‘self’. What you are really saying (if you are to dig deep into your subconscious) is ‘I wish I was that confident to wear something like that’ or ‘I wish I was that accomplished’. Often times we project our insecurities onto our sisters and what we ought to be doing is deal with our own internal issues.
How to slay the Dragon: We all have insecurities, but that doesn’t mean that we have to allow them to dictate our relationship with ourselves or with others. The first step is admission. Sit with yourself and evaluate your weaknesses. Once you have identified what they are, make a conscious effort to improve them. Drawing from the scenarios above, instead of criticising what the next woman is wearing find something positive to say; maybe she has a nice hair style, compliment that instead of negatively commenting on her outfit. Or, say nothing at all. And the next time ‘She’ walks in the room you can greet her with a smile instead of a catty remark.
Dragon #4: Insincerity: Eight letters, one word-Pretence. That is what insincerity boils down to. The woman who carries this banner of façade usually portrays one persona in the presence of her sister and another in her absence. She is a chameleon. In the public she has nothing but good things to say to her sister, but as soon as her back turns, all claws come out. She is the caricature of someone who gives you a hug , and attacks while your back is turned -a fitting description of a back stabber.
How to slay the Dragon: If you are the one who is insincere to your sister, you might want to be real with yourself . After all, why would you want to be friends with someone who you secretly despise? You will be doing the both of you a favour by setting some boundaries. This is a very toxic trait and you may want to explore why you are exhibiting this characteristic. If you are on the receiving end, and you are aware that your sister is not as sincere as she appears to be, you need to decide if this friendship is worth keeping in your life. Or, set some boundaries and stick to them.
If we are truly honest with ourselves we all have missed the mark when it comes to sisterhood, in one form or another. No judgement here , I am the first to raise my hand . That’s accountability , that’s growth. There is so much more that we can do if we are united than if we are divided. I am not saying that every woman is to be your buddy, of course not, because not everyone is for you and vice versa. What I am saying, in no uncertain terms, is that we ought to stop tearing our sister down at every chance that we get. And to the women who are the embodiment of what Sisterhood looks like; I see you, I salute you.
How will you begin to spark the flame that lights the torch of Sisterhood? What are some changes that you will implement?
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